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December
2002
Well, another year of copcar of the
month has gone by. Three years and we still haven't run out
of stupid things to do. So this month, The Committee has decided
to do something serious and honor what December is all about. So,
reaching high and low (pun intended), we've come up with...
copcar dot com
presents: Church
Cops
| Here they are, the
church copcars. Here's the official seal of the Washington
National Cathedral Police in Washington, DC |
| The Cathedral cops
drive this Chevy S-10 pickup for patrolling the grounds but one
good thing about it is that it can also serve as the Popemobile
in a pinch. |
| You have to admit,
the Impala looks good with all the arches, stained glass and
steeples this place has.... but.... |
| Recently, there was a
real stupid string on the copcar discussion board about
"What would Jesus Drive". We at copcar believe
we've found his Dad's car. No doubt, divinity favors the
Impala. |
| Now, I know what
you're going to say. Georgetown University isn't a church.
And believe me, we know that. We are not dumb. But
that big old building in the background is awfully
religious-looking and besides, there's a high probability that
the campus cops actually go eat donuts and read The Holy Grail
with the Cathedral coppers. |
| Of
course, we've had some questions regarding Church cops. So
we'll try as best we can to answer them.
Q:
Do church cops carry guns?
A: No, the weapon of choice
is Rosary Beads.
Q:
How can a church cop arrest somebody inside a church? I
thought no one could be arrested inside churches because of
religious asylum.
A: True. And this
presents a difficult situation but in 1954 the Archdiocese
decided that if the arresting officer blurts out "Oley Oley
Olson, all is free" before the suspect can claim asylum,
it's go to jail time.
Q:
When church cops need to get a confession out of somebody, where
do they take them?
A: Dumb question. To
the confessional, of course.
Q:
What is the typical crimes that church cops run up against?
A: Mostly misdemeanors
punishable by up to 30 Hail Mary's.
Q:
Where do church cops take there prisoners for court?
A:
To a higher court, of course.
Q:
What scares church cops?
A:
Being told "THE Chief"
wants to see them. It's a little joke the Priests like to
play on the boys.
Q:
Is Miranda applicable in church?
A: Nope, they don't have to
worry about those rights. They have a little card with the
"Last Rights" that they read to the arrestee.
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Now, before you start
sending me hate mail, just remember that I'll get mine on judgment day.
Merry
Christmas everybody
Thanks to
Mike Schutz of the Officer Down Memorial
Page for the photos
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